Inevitability of ‘You’

Published April 08, 2019

My bearded dragon, Omelette, spends a good portion of her time sitting on a log basking under a heat lamp. During my midday break she continues to sit during our one-sided conversations where I carry most of the workload. I find this routine peaceful, often cathartic, and she seems to enjoy the worm or two she receives out of participating.

There’s peace in owning a lizard. They’re not engineered by us to be anything except colourful. They’re just lizards. All instinct.

Picture of Omelette

I’ve been learning a lot about inevitability lately. I spent the early portion of my 20s optimizing for minor percentile increases. The increases compounded and formed the foundation of my skillset but… at some point, the pushing stopped working.

Only recently I’ve been leaning off the gas pedal and it doesn’t seem to change my situation much. Goals are set. Improvements are made. Goals are achieved. I’m goal oriented–this is what I do by default. The inevitability of me runs without management.

My coach said this to me during my last prep season, “you tend to get into your head.” It stopped me in my tracks and it’s been running like my own personal anthem since then. It was his way of telling me, “Hey, everything’s cool. Stop worrying.” Sometimes you have to let time pass.

This entire time I thought, ‘strengths make things easy,’ but it goes deeper than that. Strengths will run even if you don’t try to do anything. It takes some time to understand what that really means for you but you have to let time pass. Get out of your own way. It’s all instinct.